deb roush

Tuesday Terry and I celebrated our 25^th wedding anniversary, and I’m proud of us. Maintaining a marriage isn’t easy, especially a happy one, which I consider ours. Are we perfect?  Heck no. But traveling through life, day-by-day, with a partner you love, respect and genuinely have fun with is, well, amazing. I have been reflecting quite a bit lately on the last 25 years, and a few weeks ago I came to a unique conclusion. My life with Terry is much like – and bear with me here – the the hikes I take with my dog Violet.When this wise analogy hit me, my black lab-mix and I were trekking through the trails at Burns Park in North Little Rock, hoping to complete a 7.2-mile trail. That didn’t happen. Even though I have an app on my phone that marks our progress and tells me where we are, we still managed to get ourselves lost.

So basically, at the end of the day, we didn’t end up where we intended. And neither have Terry and I. In fact, if you had asked me 25 years ago, as a newlywed enjoying friends and life in Toledo, Ohio, if I would ever live in Little Rock, Ark., the answer would be a resounding NO! Yet we have not only lived here, we have thrived – raising two remarkable children and embracing the Natural State. We have camped, boated, hiked, biked and run. We don’t know where we will go next – or even if we will stay here or move. I do know this – we will do it together.

While Violet and I were on that recent hike, I noted a few other things that reminded me of my marriage. First, sometimes Violet – who is off-leash – is the leader. Other times she lags behind. That’s true with Terry and me. There have been occasions when I have accomplished something impressive with Terry’s encouragement – running a marathon while he cheered me on, or earning my yellow belt in Krav Maga, a mixed-martial art. Other times I follow Terry. That was the case when he took important job promotions and I trailed him to new city – South Bend, Ind., Las Vegas and Little Rock, Ark.

One of the things Violet does that I appreciate is that when she gets too far ahead on the trail, she comes to a quick stop, then peers quizzically back to ensure I’m safe. In our marriage, we do that, too. When one person – and usually it’s me – gets too far ahead with a plan or idea (or even heads out on a solo run in a remote area, maybe), Terry is there to keep me in check or to check on me to make certain I’m safe.And then there are the times Violet or I might stray off the trail. A squirrel will rustle the leaves, and Violet darts after it, only to return a few minutes later to her spot on the trail. I may wander off, too, especially if it I have my camera and there is a beautiful flower or tree to photograph, while Violet patiently waits. Similarly, I have strayed off life’s trail. I endured a major anxiety attack and subsequent depression a couple of years ago that literally and figuratively took me off course. Terry waited patiently, making me smoothies when I couldn’t eat and telling me over and over that I would be OK. And I was.

When hiking, Violet and I really never know what to expect. Sometimes, the trail is arduous, I have had a difficult week, and the uphills are tough. She waits on me. Other times, her pink tongue hanging out and her head flopping low, I pause until she is ready. I have water we share (no worries, I pour hers in a plastic bowl I carry in my backpack) and we move on together when we’re both recovered.I’ll be honest. Violet has been impatient when I have taken too long of a break and vice versa. I’m fairly sure that’s true of Terry and me. There have been adventures in life Terry has been more ready for – moving to Little Rock for example. There have been other things I have embraced more readily – like buying a boat or taking on a second dog. In the end, like Violet and I, we encourage each other, wait for the other to be ready and move forward together.

I’m glad to have a hiking partner in Violet. She makes me feel safe and protected when we’re out on the trails. I’m even more grateful for Terry, who protects me from real fears and imaginary worries. And I thank God for two partners who love me unconditionally. Whether or not I deserve to be blessed with either one of them is for another blog – maybe in another 25 years. I love you Terry. Happy anniversary.– Deb